Why Do We Love Those Who Don’t Love Us Back?
Ever wondered why we fall in love?
Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. And that is why we fall in love.
Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also sometimes with someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
But does it always work this way? No. Most often than not, we find ourselves on a one-way street in the avenue of love.
If your house was burning, and you could only save one family member, who would it be?
Why would I, without a moment’s pause, reach for the hand of a beloved to save them from a burning building when they repeatedly don’t reply to my text messages, never initiate hang-outs and consistently miss important events in my life?
Because we love them. Even though they don’t show the signs of loving us back.
Family illustrates beautifully this inhuman ability we have to love siblings, children, and even parents who may never return the affection. Something within us persists. Pushes through the turned shoulders and blocked calls and can not–though we may try–stop loving. How would a non-Christian explain this strange strength that counters every fiber of our being? For the most common type of love is reciprocated, right?
Not always. Maybe you, like me, have loved someone you had no business loving at all. You tried to stop, but the love was inside of you and no action of your own would remove it. I remember confessing to my parents once that I was still in love with someone I knew for a fact did not love me back. My mom told me something I’ll never forget. Something that made me feel normal and that everything would be OK: “You can’t help who you love.” We don’t actually choose–what a load off.
So, I don’t believe we’re crazy for loving a rebellious older brother who’s never around, the dad that’s in and out of your life, or the boy that broke your heart. We can’t help who we love. God loves lots of people who don’t love Him back. When we do the same, we’re being a little like Him. We’re loving not based on condition but because the love is there, and we can’t get it out.
Nince! 